The "Test"

It has come to my attention that perhaps this place is conducting some sort of sadistic psychological experiment on its employees with the goal of determining what the breaking point of the average human mind may be. These experiments are conducted via a variety of different test procedures, depending on the subject's floor and department. Here on the sixteenth in the Real Estate division, we are subject to many different tests, including, for example, being forced to endure a man who sideskirts the main aisle, instead opting to walk between our cubicles while constantly snapping his fingers on his way to and from the printer station at the rate of approximately 4 round trips per hour. We are forced to listen to small talk that even the person speaking seems altogether disinterested in, ranging from topics of muscle cars and motorcycles, oafish things that they or their spouses recently did, the improving physical fitness of [still old and fat] individuals, how brilliant and talented everyone's [hideous looking] children are, what [atrocious] bands they are 'hip' for listening to (Kid Rock?!), talking about how terrible a certain brand of [kickass] beer was compared to something [unpleasant] such as Heineken, a number of quirky and goofy sounding laughs and/or nervous tics, etc. Furthermore, we are given an impossible task in that we are supposed to map sales and leases as accurately as possible as they fall upon the right of way (or formerly right of way, in the case of sales), but with highly imprecise, often missing or otherwise insufficient data. Furthermore still, we have an entire totem pole of bosses, underbosses, managers, demi-gods, and gods constantly maintaining a vigil on our activities, making us feel like like slackers even despite the fact that we are quite literally unable to do any work at the moment.

Lending just a bit of a tinfoil hat degree of skepticism to my conspiracy theory is an interesting fact about our building. The entire HQ building operates within a closed-air environment, more or less, where very little outside air is let in to mingle with the recirculating air inside. It is a measure to improve energy efficiency, given that very small volumes of air take less energy to heat or cool to the desired temperature than larger volumes of air. The concern with efficiency absolutely must be some kind of farce, however, as the way everything else is set up within the company breeds inefficiency with the furor of a cage full of teenaged rabbits on prom night. The only logical explanation is that they are pumping some sort of neurotoxin into our closed atmosphere. Without the proper lab equipment, I am unable to capture a pure sample of our oxygen here at the HQ with which to deduce how this neurotoxin interferes with our brain processes, but surely it doesn't help kill off all of the microbial bacteria floating around in the closed system loop, causing even further discomfort among the masses as the flu season approaches.

This place is designed to foster madness and insanity. We know this much... but for what purpose? World domination? Just bored?